i wanna hold you high and steal your pain.

so yet again, i'm broken. and out of action.

i recently went to the upmc to see an orthopedic physician. basically, all they could tell me was what i had been hearing everywhere else. just in longer, more medical-sounding words. i apparently have some kind of cross between patellofemoral pain syndrome, aka. runner's knee, and patellar tendonitis, aka. jumper's knee. basically whatever physical action could possibly cause these pains, i've got it. and like everyone else i've seen, from the club sports trainer last year to the health services doctor to the upmc sports injury physician.

ultimately, it sounds like all i can do is rest it, ice it, and take an assload of ibuprofen for the swelling. unfortunately, it could also take months. i can't do that. it's already killing me that i have to force myself not to cleat up and actually try and run at every practice. i normally just end up giving in whenever a tournament comes around, and running myself into the ground all weekend.

the injury itself isn't so unbearable on its own. shit happens. i get that. granted, this might be the first time my knee pops for no reason. and i can't actually carry myself down stairs at all anymore. it used to hurt, but it was still doable. i actually broke down crying when i could shift something as easy as the coffee table when i tried pushing it with my foot. the right? moved fine. the left? wouldn't shift at all and all i get was a shooting pain through my left knee.

it's more that i can't stand being injured anymore. haven't recently come to the conclusion that i haven't been uninjured in the past 8 years or so...it's damn tiring. and frustrating. and i can't deal with it anymore. i don't want to be hurt anymore, but i also don't want to have to completely stop playing. i also don't want to hurt it more and more and end up needing surgery or something, which would take me out of the game for even longer. basically, i want too much. more than probably possible and i'm not willing to just give one up. i want to heal. but i also want to keep playing.

cross my fingers, i can focus more on conditioning over the winter than actually playing and work the muscles i need that, may not fix my knee, will help prevent it getting worse. maybe i won't do winter league this year. meeehhh...knowing me, i'll end up doing it anyway. f-...

anyone know where i can get a new set of knees? any help would be much appreciated.

all my bags are packed. i'm ready to go.

my B gets here in less than a week!!!!!!







...i'm psyched.

g20-ness.

d'awwwww...

g20 shanty town @ the fence

yea. no f-ing idea.

more shanty-town-ing...

archis. keeping it classy.

awkward big head thingies...yea. i have no idea.

read 'em. and judge.

...and again. oh, cmu...

get serious like crazy.

so G20 craziness going on this weekend. half the campus is shut down. security has been upped like whoa. i haven't managed a walk down into oakland, but i'm betting it's looking pretty ridic.

what with bill gates and australia's rep coming onto campus, suffice it to say security on campus has gone through the roof. this is all going to be followed by a conference/meeting/dealio at phipps conservatory right behind campus. hence, the back half of the campus has been closed down and classes in those buildings cancelled. i just happen to have class...in the buildings next to/between the ones being shut down. grrreeeeaaat...

what i got to walk past on my way off campus:

<-- at first, about 10 police officers stationed every five feet outside warner hall. checking IDs of everyone attempting to get inside. fyi, this is the building where the hub and whatnot are, so ie. not a small amount of traffic.




then, i walked around the corner.
that's about 50+ officers waiting outside cyert to be dispersed all over campus.
not to mention the 30+ who joined them later. and did i mention they were all packed with cable-tie handcuffs, batons and whatnot?

well, at least it's making this start to the year all the more eventful...

happy [belated] birthday to B.

see? i'm terrible at journal-keeping. oh well.

SCHMAPPY SCHMURFDAY, BEEEEEEE!!! <3>

new injury.

ripped my left quad.

awesome.

dizzy in my head. spin like a record.

you make me happy. if you're ever in doubt. listen.

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

:) this one's for you.