so yet again, i'm broken. and out of action.
i recently went to the upmc to see an orthopedic physician. basically, all they could tell me was what i had been hearing everywhere else. just in longer, more medical-sounding words. i apparently have some kind of cross between patellofemoral pain syndrome, aka. runner's knee, and patellar tendonitis, aka. jumper's knee. basically whatever physical action could possibly cause these pains, i've got it. and like everyone else i've seen, from the club sports trainer last year to the health services doctor to the upmc sports injury physician.
ultimately, it sounds like all i can do is rest it, ice it, and take an assload of ibuprofen for the swelling. unfortunately, it could also take months. i can't do that. it's already killing me that i have to force myself not to cleat up and actually try and run at every practice. i normally just end up giving in whenever a tournament comes around, and running myself into the ground all weekend.
the injury itself isn't so unbearable on its own. shit happens. i get that. granted, this might be the first time my knee pops for no reason. and i can't actually carry myself down stairs at all anymore. it used to hurt, but it was still doable. i actually broke down crying when i could shift something as easy as the coffee table when i tried pushing it with my foot. the right? moved fine. the left? wouldn't shift at all and all i get was a shooting pain through my left knee.
it's more that i can't stand being injured anymore. haven't recently come to the conclusion that i haven't been uninjured in the past 8 years or so...it's damn tiring. and frustrating. and i can't deal with it anymore. i don't want to be hurt anymore, but i also don't want to have to completely stop playing. i also don't want to hurt it more and more and end up needing surgery or something, which would take me out of the game for even longer. basically, i want too much. more than probably possible and i'm not willing to just give one up. i want to heal. but i also want to keep playing.
cross my fingers, i can focus more on conditioning over the winter than actually playing and work the muscles i need that, may not fix my knee, will help prevent it getting worse. maybe i won't do winter league this year. meeehhh...knowing me, i'll end up doing it anyway. f-...
anyone know where i can get a new set of knees? any help would be much appreciated.
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