one down...and i'm out of here.

one week down. twelve [and a bit] more to go.

i can do that, right? it's that fucking with your mentality thing. were i worry about it day by day, i'd have to think about the 85 individual days i have left. were i to think about it in months, however...well, the word "month" just implies a much long time period anyway, so that's just a ridiculous way to go about things. but "weeks".

weeks is the perfect denomination in which to think about something like this. and because i am who i am, i'm going to think about it every once in awhile regardless, so i might as well go about it in the best way possible. its a doable length, having just gone through my first one, and the number of them between now and thanksgiving is not down to twelve, a very reasonable number. one i think i can deal with. not enjoy, or really be happy about, but deal and survive.

y'know, i figured it would feel lonelier being back here. without two of the people i could talk to most. maybe more than that if you just look at the end of last year. it just puts a damper on everything i do. like studio. i'll do it. and i can get through it, but it doesn't ever mean i actually want to be there nor will i get all that excited about it anymore. then there's ultimate. it's something i've loved for years, and at cmu it's something that's kept me sane when studio's become too much. but even that doesn't hold much excitement or something to look forward to anymore. again, i'll go through the motions, but not with great zest or anything. its something i'm doing because i know i should be doing it. it's not a distraction anymore. it's a responsibility.

it's a possibility these feelings will fade and get better as time goes on. i hope they do. for the most part. for now, i guess that's what cell phones, laptops and internet connections are for.

do you still read post secret? heck, you probably don't even read this. oh well...*shrug*

wish you were here.

i can't believe i'm back in pittsburgh. about to start classes in about 45mins. and missing a significant part of my life.

it feels like i can't do this. it feels like its too hard. i should have realized when i came back you wouldn't be coming with me. i wouldn't find you riding your bike towards me the first day back on campus. i thought i had. i guess i had in theory. just not quite thought of the practice. i'm not prepared. you said thanksgiving will be here before i know it. is it here yet? if not, then its not soon enough.

it feels so empty...

...i'm wishing so hard.

my life as defined by my injuries.

both knees.
both ankles.
both wrists.
lower back.
left shoulder.
right elbow.
left (?) hip.
left hamstring.
left quad.

and yet, i have yet to injure anything bad enough that it's required surgery. nor have i broken anything. nor had stitches. interesting. *knock on wood*

somewhere over the rainbow.

japanese fusion residential architecture in somerville. weird.

...and then the rainbow came!

just a city boy born and raised in south detroit.

these make me smile. i want my own stop sign to remind me to never stop believing.

golden lips and cherry wine. moonshine in your hair.

the room's finished. and it looks pretty friggin' sweet. next up? the exterior of the house! except, let's leave this one up to the professionals, yea? ;)

how the hell is it august already? the buda scl tournament is this weekend, and i fly out the weekend after that back to pittsburgh. boo that.

in some ways, i guess this summer has been as productive as it could've been seeing as the whole job/internship-search dealio fell through. multiple times. but seriously. after having so many summers not quite go as planned, i was hoping this one would be different. i was hoping this one would actually be good. with minimal hiccups. not so much. everything just could've/should've...gone better.

i guess i got to go to a couple more tournaments this summer, with the comedy of errors, wildwood and the buda tourney. and i guess in lieu of a job i spent the summer stripping, cleaning and painting a bedroom. and i guess i got in more hanging out with other people than i normally would have back in hk. and i guess i got to spend it in boston like i had originally wanted. but other than all the stuff before summer in boston actually "started", going to watch nationals and visiting jess in london, nothing really went as planned. it became a summer that i just had to wing as i went along. the first summer that i decide to plan all for myself on my own just didn't turn out to be quite as satisfying as i had hoped.

and now i have to start preparing myself for another year back at cmu that i am certainly not ready for. fourth year of architecture school. one year closer to the real world. new studio space in cfa. my class schedule looks pretty good and chill. though something tells me that newly opened space in my timetable will soon be replaced with even more studio time. just a hunch. it's going to be life back at cmu, but missing a couple of key players. and adding a couple more responsibilities. things are going to be just that little bit emptier. and to compensate i'm probably going to get just that little bit busier. to kill time. to take my mind of things. i'm worried, afraid and nervous for how things could turn out. hopefulness has never been my forte. i'm more a worst-case-scenario kind of person. not that i'm boasting about it. just saying. no one is really proud of that surge of trepidation at the thought of the prospects of the near future, but it doesn't stop it from happening no matter how fleeting that feeling is.

pittsburgh. it's fine as a college town. but i'm pretty sure i'm going to have had more than my fill of it by the time spring 2011 rolls around.